The Mask of Motherhood: How Becoming a Mother Changes Our Lives and Why We Never Talk About It
Review
Everything changes when a woman becomes a mother, but society–particularly women themselves–often colludes to deny this simple truism. In The Mask of Motherhood, author Susan Maushart (a nationally syndicated columnist in Australia and the mother of three children) explores the effect childbearing has upon women. In the process, she removes the veils of serenity and satisfaction to reveal what she holds to be the truth: the early years of motherhood are physically difficult and can be emotionally devastating. New mothers increasingly enter full-scale identity crises, few women have sufficient information about child-rearing realities, and, as Maushart writes, “the realities of parenthood and especially motherhood are kept carefully shrouded in silence, misinformation, and outright lies.” The book comprises seven essay-style chapters. In “Falling: The Experience of Pregnancy,” Maushart discusses wrongful notions about morning sickness,…
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I was prompted to write a review to counter some of the negative reviews that I read about this book on this site. I bought it despite the negative reviews because it came so highly recommended by a friend. I wasn’t sorry at all. This is an excellent look at the realities of motherhood for all women, but I think particularly for women who are older & have been engaged in an active professional life for some period of time. I have a number of friends who really could have benefitted from the author’s insights into the adjustments to motherhood.
Because of the negative reviews, I admit that I read it on the lookout for evidence that the author was biased against motherhood or for any indication that she herself didn’t enjoy motherhood. I found no evidence of this at all! She’s not arguing that women who had an easy time with delivery and/or enjoy breastfeeding are lying. She’s simply pointing out that it is an adjustment for many women, and yet it’s not necessarily discussed (which leaves many women wondering if they are normal or not).
Her chapter on breastfeeding is *not* anti-breastfeeding. It is obvious that she is not a proponent of the attachment theory of parenting (Sears et al). But, for goodness sakes, just because one doesn’t necessarily believe in demand feeding doesn’t mean one is anti-breastfeeding!
I also thoroughly enjoyed her chapters on The Juggled Life (balancing career & outside interests with motherhood) and the Superwoman chapter on gender roles that may play out in marriages after the arrival of the first baby.
I highly recommend this book — it’s excellent “food for thought,” whether you’re considering having children, are pregnant or already have one or more children.
I wish I had found this book three years ago when I was struggling with post-partum blues, then maybe I wouldn’t have felt so alone. I wish I had found this book when I couldn’t keep breastfeeding my two, then maybe I wouldn’t have felt like a failure or guilty because I wasn’t a “good enough mom.” This book had me nodding my head throughout the entire book ~~ and yes, there were points that I disagreed with but that’s because it wasn’t relevant to my situation. This is a must-read for all moms who are overwhelmed with taking care of children and juggling work and childcare.
Unlike some of the reviewers in here, I did not find this book to be negative. I found the author to be concise and thoughtful in her narrative. She shared with the reader her experiences and was honest. She did not make it sound like motherhood is a negative thing ~~ just sometimes, women get blindsided by reality that they had little or no prior knowledge of what to expect. Women just do not talk about these things. Women just do not talk about their lack of breastfeeding experiences or how overwhelmed they are when they are first home with their children and how overwhelmed they get when they go back to work. Sometimes, even the spouses don’t help out and they (both mothers and fathers of newborns) find out that they’ve fallen in traditional roles. However, she did point out that it’s just as much as the women’s fault as the men’s in allowing that to happen. (That is one chapter I read with misgivings because it doesn’t fit in my life and perceptions of what is like in my own family.)
This is an informative book ~~ one that I urge all mothers read. It is enlightening and honest. It is not a dry book ~~ it is very interesting and pretty fast paced for me. I did not find this book to be negative in complaining about motherhood. Reality is reality and sometimes, it’s hard to bear. I know that I denied my first year of motherhood ~~ I didn’t want to admit that I struggled with a lot of issues that were going on at that time. No one wants to admit that being a mother is hard sometimes and that it’s tedious, boring and sometimes, just too much. But isn’t that true of life? Being a mother may be a job but it is a job that spans over an entire lifetime ~~ and like any job, there are moments of pleasure, joy and tedium.
Any woman who wants to stop feeling alone should read this book. It’s worth it.
5-15-06