Sacred Marriage
Starting with the discovery that the goal of marriage goes beyond personal happiness, writer and speaker Gary Thomas invites readers to see how God can use marriage as a discipline and a motivation to love him more and reflect more of the character of his Son.
From the Back Cover
Your marriage is more than a sacred covenant with another person. It is a spiritual discipline designed to help you know God better, trust him more fully, and love him more deeply. Scores of books have been written that offer guidance for building the marriage of your dreams. But what if God?s primary intent for your marriage isn?t to make you happy . . . but holy? And what if your relationship isn?t as much about you and your spouse as it is about you and God? Everything about your marriage–everything–is filled with prophetic potential, with the capacity for discovering and revealing Christ?s character. The respect you accord your partner; the forgiveness you humbly seek and g…
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Admittedly, I haven’t read every marriage book ever written, so the title of this review is probably overstating the case. However, I have read a number of marriage books (including some more popular ones like “The Five Love Languages” and “Fit To Be Tied,” which are also solid and worth reading), and this is the cream of the crop.
The overarching theme of the book is explicated clearly in its subtitle, that marriage is primarily a means of God drawing us to holiness rather than an instrument used to bring about our own happiness. This concept seems to cast a somewhat melancholy vision for marriage as a medium for unhappy relationships, and many of the other folks with whom we read the book were initially disheartened by that premise. However, after giving Thomas some time to flesh out this idea, they came around to appreciate the heart of his message.
What I love most about “Sacred Marriage” is the concept of marriage as a spiritual discipline. Just like Richard Foster in “Celebration of Discipline” is able to turn the most traditional spiritual disciplines like fasting and study into something desirable and appealing, Thomas casts a vision of marriage that just draws me to an almost feverish pitch of anticipation. From Thomas’ perspective, God can and will (if I am open to His work) use my marriage as one of the primary means of drawing me to Himself. And that has nothing to do with the circumstances of my marriage at any given time or the particular ways that my wife treats me. When we open ourselves to this new perspective, our marriages have the opportunity to be totally transformational. What an exciting prospect!!!
Another part of this book that was most appealing to me was the author’s interest in drawing wisdom from many centuries of church teaching about marriage and relationships. He balanced this admiration for the church fathers with the ability to critique the components of historical church teachings that warrant criticism (like the notion that the truly holy person must be single). It is a very rare author, indeed, who can make Augustine and Clement come alive in ways that really instruct and minister to us.
Ultimately, I would recommend this book to anyone who is married, has been married, or will eventually consider marriage. I first read it a few years ago when I was engaged, and it totally transformed my perspective of marriage as I entered that divine institution. Several years later, it speaks into my life again, and I truly do hope to live out God’s calling toward a “sacred marriage.”
God made marriage to make us holy, not to make us happy. In his compelling style, Gary Thomas consistently communicates that one marriage-altering message.
As a marriage counselor, seminary professor, and writer of books on the spiritual life, I find far too many Christian books on marriage shallow, surface, and simple. Their solution-focused answers to self-centered questions often do more harm than good as they create more self-sufficient, self-centered sinners.
“Sacred Marriage” does a 180, putting the sacredness back in marriage. God intended marital love to mirror the love relationship between Christ and the Church. Further, God intends our marriages to be a spiritual discipline of spiritual friendship encouraging one another toward communion with Christ and conformity to Christ.
In the able hands and from the artful pen of Thomas, couples learn the most fulfilling message about marriage–together you have the capacity for sacredness, for a God-honoring, other-empowering, self-sacrificing purpose that brings joy now and impact forever.
Reviewer: Bob Kellemen, Ph.D., is the author of “Soul Physicians,” “Spiritual Friends,” and “Beyond the Suffering: Embracing the Legacy of African American Soul Care and Spiritual Direction.”
This book changed my life and literally saved my marriage. I had divorce papers on my desk filled out and ready to take to the courthouse, then this book fell in my lap. Gary is truly a God send. Honestly, I thought at first that his wife must have written the book and signed his name to it because I have NEVER read a book by a man that had such insight about women. There is not enough space in this little box to describe how this book has changed my life and the way I view marriage completely. It should be REQUIRED READING for any man who dares to utter the words “Will you marry me?” Incredible, Awesome, Fantastic book. For me it was sent straight from from the throne of God. I knew this when I opened to the 3rd page and cried my eyes out. It said “For Lisa” I can’t rave enough about this book. Get it! Get copies for all of your family and friends. Hand it out on street corners. The divorce rate in this country will be cut in half!! It’s AWESOME!! A “must read” for all married Christians. Thank you Gary and thank you God for making Gary.