The “Win Your Child Custody War” book is the best, most comprehensive book on the market. I’m a reviewer for SPARC, a divorce and custody web site (www.deltabravo.net) and we recommend the “Win Your Child Custody War” book before all the others. There’s no secret to why we recommend this book so strongly- it’s just the best guide to custody issues available anywhere at any price.

The breadth and depth of the information is astounding, well-written, and logically arranged. This book is worth 10 times the cover price, and I don’t say that lightly.

There is nothing like the “Win Your Child Custody War” book; nothing even comes close. This is, in our opinion, *<b>the</b>* book to have. You’d have to buy about 20 other books just to start to equal the information contained in this one.

(And just in case you’re wondering, we have no connection to Pale Horse Publishing, we just think their books stand head-and-shoulders above the rest.)

Choosing to give my ex-husband custody of our very young children was one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made. Later battles for visitation rights and custody have been the most painful events of my life. I have endured restraining orders based on lies, long distance visitation, and the psychological devastation of being separated from my children. My case went to the worst of extremes when my lawyer resigned my case in order to testify on my behalf in court. Because of the injustice of the handling of the restraining order, my case was used as the example that changed a school’s non-custodial parent pickup policy. Along the way, I made many of the mistakes common to parents in my situation and learned many lessons the hard way. I wish I had WIN YOUR CHILD CUSTODY WAR when I began those battles; the information, advice and warnings would have made the battle far easier.

WIN YOUR CHILD CUSTODY WAR provides the legal details and information an informed parent needs before and after hiring a lawyer, detective, or even a psychologist. WIN YOUR CHILD CUSTODY WAR sets realistic expectations, includes straight talk with no mollycoddling, and lots of sound advice. Logs, affidavits, and home studies are covered with meticulous detail and with sound examples. As the author cautions, however, readers also need to follow the advice of their lawyer over the book. For example, in the extreme case of a parent who does not want to visit the child and would stop harassment if not required to pay child support, the author suggests: “You could get counseling, legal assistance or return the money the court sends you each month from the other parent.” I know from personal experience that you could return the parent’s money in the state of AR. In the state of GA, the money isn’t yours, it belongs to your children, and you are required by law to accept the money, just as the non-custodial parent is required by law to pay. No exceptions.

Encouragement and common sense are also included in the WIN YOUR CHILD CUSTODY WAR. Some battles are better walked away from, especially when the battle becomes a matter of winning and not necessarily in the child’s best interest. WIN YOUR CHILD CUSTODY WAR forces readers to carefully examine their own motives, behaviors and attitudes. It also warns of the pitfalls many parents fall into, and provides tips for how to avoid them. As I turned the pages, revisiting my own battles, challenges and mistakes, I couldn’t help thinking of the emotional pain this book could have saved me. Simple things like plan an activity for when you return the children to their custodial parent would have been useful advice from the beginning of my battle. In addition, WIN YOUR CHILD CUSTODY WAR is very sensitive to the issues non-custodial mothers face, especially considering the harsh judgment society places on women without custody.

This is the most personal review I have ever written, but given the nature of the book, I feel compelled to offer personal confirmation of the value of WIN YOUR CHILD CUSTODY WAR. Surprisingly, I also found a lot of self-forgiveness as I read this book. As I revisited old wounds and previously second-guessed decisions, I found confirmation of my own good decision-making, giving the book a remarkably positive spin for this battle weary, but successful warrior. Very highly recommended.

Charlotte Hardwick’s use of the military metaphor throughout (including a photo of a child in a Marine Corps dress uniform on the cover) is in recognition of two salient facts about custody disputes: they can be psychologically as brutal as war; and the stakes can be extremely high. Yet, as Hardwick details and documents, negotiations are possible, and if the welfare of the child has the highest priority, both sides can win.

I would advise you, however, NOT to go into court without having first read this remarkable book. Over the course of 672 doubled-columned pages, Hardwick shares her personal experience and her painfully accumulated knowledge on just about every conceivable aspect of the child custody wars while guiding the reader toward a powerful strategy. If you don’t have this book you are likely to be overmatched; indeed if your attorney doesn’t have this book, he or she is likely to be overmatched. In fact, I would say that the first thing you should do after reading the book yourself, is buy a copy for your attorney and somehow persuade him or her to open the pages and to start reading–anywhere in the book. I promise you your attorney will learn facts, ideas, strategies new to him or her. The expanse and depth of the material presented here quite frankly amazed me. This extensive tome constitutes an entire course not only in child custody disputes but in human psychology, parenting, and the law itself. Some items:

There are 91 pages citing, summarizing, quoting from, and referencing relevant cases and decisions (Chapter 23).

There is a detailed guide on how to negotiate and what conflict resolution is all about (Chapter 4); a chapter on how to handle discovery and depositions (Chapter 17); another on judges, what to expect from them and how you might get a good one or avoid a bad one; there’s guidance on what to expect in court and how to present yourself and your case; how to select an attorney; what your case is likely to cost and how to discover the assets of your adversaries, including (this floored me) hidden assets such as “Overpayments to the IRS” (from a list on page 435). You will learn about how much you can expect to pay or receive in child support, and again how to gauge assets, including hidden income such as “excessive deductions on paychecks” (p. 445)–a nice dodge which amounts to loaning Uncle Sam the money until tax time!

You will also:

–Discover how to handle psychologists and other “evaluators” and influence them to your advantage. For example beware of the “halo effect.” (Have your side evaluated by the psychologist first to secure that effect.) (p. 235)

–Understand what psychological tests can be given and what they can mean in the dispute. Sometimes the judge makes the court-ordered decision of a professional binding, so that “you have in fact a new judge.” (Chapter 12)

–Appreciate the role of other experts, what they can and cannot do to further your case, and how to evaluate and get a reliable expert who will make an effective witness.

–Learn the value of keeping a detailed log of everything pertaining to your case and its possible use as documentation. Hardwick presents this with some tips on how e-mail and computer files can come back to haunt you if you share the wrong information, even anonymously or through the assumption of an Internet moniker.

–Become knowledgeable about lie detectors and their use and misuse (pp. 137-138) and the reach of DNA testing.

–Know which problems or accusations are issues and which are non-issues in the eyes of the law. For example, child endangerment is an issue; a “blended” family is not. Physical abuse is an issue; false accusations may or may not be. (pp. 26-29)

–Be introduced to the infamous Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) in which one parent tries to alienate the child from the other parent through lies and distortions. (p. 190) PAS includes “The Grand Lie” in which one side falsely accuses the other of child sexual abuse, a charge that is hard to become completely free of, regardless of the truth of the accusation. (p. 282)

Hardwick even includes some humor with eleven ways on how to know “You’ve Been in Court Too Long” on page 97 (from Dean Hughson). If this isn’t enough there is a presentation of ingrained psychological strategies that you might use or encounter such as the famous “Tit for Tat” from game theory or the sneaky “Tranquilizer” who lulls you to inattention and then takes advantage. (p. 59)

There is a Glossary of Terms and a detailed Index as well as a lot information on resources throughout including Internet sites on page 103. There’s even a chapter on lies and how to correct them (should you be the liar!).

The mass of information and the sharp, sound guidance contained herein really amount to a post graduate course in child custody disputes. Even so I was almost as much impressed with Hardwick’s assertive, no-nonsense writing style and organization that managed to painlessly inform while emphasizing a positive approach. Her philosophy is perhaps best expressed in this quote from page 472:

“In truth, if custody is solely decided on what is best for the children, there can be no loser.”